Alright....so you are going to be one of 2 groups, well no actually there is a 3rd. So the groups are a photographer, a client, or someone else. So the photographer reading this is going to say and probably out loud, “I have totally heard this one before” and laugh. The 2nd one will be the client that says, and I highly doubt it will be out loud, “Oh my, I have actually said that”! The 3rd group isn’t going to belong to either the 1st or 2nd group. They either are not a photographer or they know better than to ask or say these things. I wrote a post the other day, I think it was a few days ago related to this. You can read it here, it was called, The Questions(crazy AND stupid) People ask Photographers. A quick overview was some questions and the article that inspired me to “follow up" on the authors article included what the photographers highly sarcastic response would be and I included mine. My responses weren’t sarcastic or rude. I was being nice. I saved some to read even after I was done with that blog post and I am pretty much amazed at some of the things people think they can get or things that photographers will do for them. So I had to do another post similar to that one but give my response. Pratik Naik wrote this article titled, "30 things you never want to hear from a client" in Petapixel. Before he went on to telling all of us eager photographers who need a good laugh some of the crazy stuff he heard, he said this, "I asked photographers and creatives to come up with some of their favorites, in the form of actual dialogue or through sarcasm, and they are hilarious(ly sad)". So here we go...
Client: “Can you wait an extra month for your check?”
Me: Do you like waiting a month for your paycheck? I doubt it so that’s a no.
Client: “If I pay half can we just cut down half of the photos?”
Me: Um no! That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works!
Client: “I need these images retouched by tomorrow afternoon, I will send it now.” Client sends them the next day and keeps the same deadline.
Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I have questions. My first question is where did these images come from? If it’s the photographer that the client sent them to then okay fine, that will be $150 per picture. If it’s not the photographer the client sent them to, I would be contacting the photographer who did take them. For some odd reason(sarcasm!) I’m betting this is the case.
Client: “Can you make that in black and white, but leave my nipples in color.”
Me: Wait, what?!?! WHY?! What is the “that” the client is referring to? I don’t care for selective coloring but now I really don’t like selective coloring...
Client: “Oh, no need to edit photos, we can handle that.”
Me: So you can handle being sued I’m assuming?
Client: “I talked to that other guy and he takes like half of what you quoted with more stuffs to give.”
Me: Do you even know what you’re talking about? Stuffs?
Client: “You can make me skinny right?” …says 300lb client
Me: I can’t even post what I want to say...
Client: “If you can go lower, we’ll definitely hire you.”
Me: It’s not an auction, what my website says or what I quoted you is it, I don't play games with numbers. I guess you won’t be hiring me, darn!
Client: “I have to pay you, but if you put it in your portfolio, you owe me.”
Me: OMG! Really?! LMAO
Client: “Since your camera takes great photos, we don’t have to pay you a lot right?
Me: Yeah, sounds like a deal! *soooo much sarcasm*
Client books you. Client cancels shoot. Client shoots with another photographer. Client asks you to retouch photos because they suck
Me: I would just laugh...lol
Client before shoot: “You can take your time, we’re not in a rush.”
Client after shoot: “Can you send me the photos in 5 minutes? I want to use it now.”
Me: I charge rush fees but I don’t think you can afford THAT rush fee.
Client: “After this, can you also take a photo with this phone?
Me: Yeah, sure...then it magically doesn’t “work” or “accidentally” gets dropped. Not really, I wouldn’t actually take the picture and give them the phone back.
By the way, I’ve never been asked this but I’ve had someone take the phone and take a picture before whoever I’m photographing moves. Sooo annoying!
Client: “Can you Photoshop a jacket on me because I wish I was wearing a jacket during the photo shoot.”
Me: Can you make a billion dollars with fake money because I wish I had that.
Client: “I just want light retouching, nothing expensive.”
Me. Yeah, because putting it that by saying light retouching makes me shy away from a higher number. Nope!
Whatever group you are in that I was talking about at the beginning of this blog tell me what you think of what these clients said. Are you guilty? Do you think they are crazy? Did you laugh? You HAD to laugh!